margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
