i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
