clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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