I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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