Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
