I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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