hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's never too late to be topless.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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