i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
