Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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