she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
