is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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