pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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