You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
