i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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