This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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