he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
