Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
