Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
