I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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