I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
