Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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