My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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