so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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