her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
