I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
