do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
