life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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