I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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