so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
