at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize