i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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