Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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