Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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