I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
