You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
