Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
