On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
