no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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