There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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