when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
