He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
