But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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