I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
