I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
