why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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