if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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