My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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