i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
