I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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