Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
