so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm getting married
To pizza
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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