I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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