Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
