mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
