operation have a gay friend backfired
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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