If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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