Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm like, not good at living.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
