P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
