Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
