Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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