I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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