This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
