Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
