dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
