I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
