Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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