i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
