I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize