apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
