Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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