The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
