I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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