you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
