It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
