literally had 100 drinks last night.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
