WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
