Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
