I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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